stuffhipstershate:

FLASHBACK

Introducing You to Other People

If you were casually invited (let’s be honest, allowed) to attend this super-elite rooftop cookout with the possibility of skinny-dipping in the dumpster pool, you should consider yourself lucky. Be grateful, fool, and do not stand there smiling shyly and lurking over my shoulder when we arrive as homegirl nods hello and everyone accepts me into their conversation and goes back to drinking/sitting/looking around boredly. I have no idea whether you know any of these people (not that they’d remember/care) and I am not going to stand here and interrupt everybody’s night to tell them your name and give you a memorable conversation-starting tidbit about each (“This is Rachel, she works in fashion; This is Vince, his dad played the cop in ‘Splash.’”) You can just talk to people, right? You’re cool?

Christ, are you still standing there awkwardly? Are you not having any fun? Go get a beer. Get wasted. Maybe strip? FINE, just because I feel bad, I’ll suggest we start a massive game of spin the bottle. Shit, I am Mother-fucking-Teresa tonight.

(Photo)

This entry sounds sooo much like people we all have to deal with at school… HILARIOUS. Glad to see we’re not the only ones.